


Feels Like Insomnia

by cloudy_skies



Category: Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic, Mawaru Penguindrum
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Drama, F/M, Family, Genderbending, Genderswap, Hurt/Comfort, Pregnancy, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-19
Updated: 2014-01-26
Packaged: 2018-01-09 06:03:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1142355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudy_skies/pseuds/cloudy_skies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ja’far was content with her life as head advisor of Sindria, content with her hidden relationship with Sinbad but Kouen had to go and turn it all upside down. Now finding herself in unfamiliar waters, Ja’far struggles with her new life and begins to question her feelings as she is forced to stand beside Kouen Ren as the new Empress of the Kou Empire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story they belong respectfully to Shinobu Ohtaka.
> 
> Warning: Themes of genderbender and whatever, you know all that good stuff, AU, some crossovers because it seemed fitting and also some mild OOC-ness… If any of this bothers you then you have the option of not reading.
> 
> A/N: I've had this idea stewing for a while and it's taken me until now to finally start writing it. I love SinJa but I also love how EnJa presents this alternative and challenging twist to my favorite ship because, I personally find Kouen's character the ideal rival for Ja'far's heart, as crazy as that sounds 8D

It took a great deal of strength, strategies and casualties for the Seven Seas Alliance to defeat Empress Gyokuen Ren and remove her from the throne of the Kou Empire but with determination and the four Magi's supporting them all the way through, they managed to make the impossible possible in the end.

Kouen is swift to take over the position as emperor of his homeland. Finally being able to sit at the head of his country as its king, the first order of business he gives is to flush out Al-Thaman and its members.

It's tough, eradicating the people responsible for the dark abnormalities in his empire but the mission is more or less successful, especially with the assistance of the Seven Seas Alliance.

There is nothing official between them, but Kouen still has much to consider since his involvement with the Seven Seas Alliance during the war with his step mother and Al-Thaman. And with the way the king of Sindria has been hinting at the idea of forming a peace treaty between their nations in the near future as well as having the Kou Empire join the alliance, there is no way he can easily put any of it on the back burner. The lady killer even goes so far as to send his advisor Ja'far to assist with the political complications that have been arising since his take over and it's probably one of the few things that have kept Kouen's mind at ease since the woman is well practiced in the field of legislation.

Kouen is almost certain he knows what kind of person Ja'far is after watching her and Sinbad during the war. Her loyalty to the high king of the seven seas is endearing and he's amazed by how well she can manage the country just as efficiently in his stead. She is one of Sinbad's most treasured companions, there's no mistake about it and having her sent his way to assist him is most beneficial in more ways than one he comes to realize.

Koumei and Kouha, as well as many others in his political circle were more than a little on edge with Ja'far's arrival but she quickly proves herself to be a valuable asset despite the friction she creates with her sharp tongue. Kouen rather likes how much of a challenge she presents and he makes no protest when she openly corrects his mistakes and organizes everything for him from his personal library to his paperwork.

Most nights now, Kouen stays holed up in his office working tirelessly. Depending on the urgency of whatever is sitting in between his mountains of paperwork, he sometimes sits at his desk, writing responses and double checking the texts well into the morning.

It's only when Kouen hears a knock at the door of his study does he let out a sigh of relief after reading over one particular matter that'd been recently brought to his attention. He smiles to himself, eyes still scanning over the papers and he doesn't bother calling out that they may enter because he knows who it is when the petite advisor lets herself inside a second later, regardless of whether or not she received his permission as she carries a tray of hot tea and snacks and makes her way across the room.

"Still working I see?" She asks, setting the tray done gently on a small table next to his desk since there is so little space around him as it is. She had it brought in for him a month ago, he recalls and though he hasn't said anything, he actually appreciates it being there because it helps keep the mess away from his work.

"Obviously." Kouen yawns before gazing up at her for a short moment, his chin resting on a curled hand. "These documents don't read or write themselves after all and it's my duty to complete them."

As Ja'far pours him a cup of tea, he watches the way her lips curl into a smile, humming softly to herself as if his words are like music to her ears. It is a beautiful sight, he admits and he thinks back to the moment she first stepped foot into his palace two months ago. It hadn't taken him very long to learn how much of a workaholic she is by nature and to some degree; her work ethic can even rival that of his brother Koumei's strategic tendencies. No surprise there how quickly they became friends due to their similar working habits, he thinks with a light chuckle. Still, her character fascinated him at first glance and even now she still peaks his interest.

"Do you need any help your highness?" Ja'far offers him the cup and he takes it.

It's still very hot so he blows the surface of his tea before taking a sip. "The stack on my left is of less concern to me, but can you review it for me anyways and take notes? Condense the information, just enough so that I can have an overview."

"Of course." She smiles at him, looking all too happy to do the work.

It'd only taken the woman a week to adjust to working with him like this, and every day since then she's been working dutifully day and night. Always next to him like a shadow.

Kouen eyes the small plate of pastries sitting next to the pot of tea. They're definitely not the usual desserts he is used to seeing so he knows instantly that Ja'far had been the one to bake them herself. She's a surprisingly good cook, he remembers from the past times she baked for him, and without a second thought he is already reaching over and popping the small treat into his mouth. It's soft and flakey, the taste sweet from the glaze coating but the outside itself is still relatively easy to bite into. Once the breading melts away there is suddenly a burst of flavor and he pauses as the filling settles on his tongue—its peaches.

As the hours pass in relative silence between them, Kouen thinks back to the noblemen's suggestion. It isn't of great importance to him personally but with the way things are for the empire, uprisings are sure to happen even more than they already are. He loathes that the fat pig makes some point in his argument but Kouen has no real interest in pursuing the idea despite his age. Well, not yet at least.

Looking up from his work for a moment though, he watches the way Ja'far is so concentrated on her task; her pale green eyes focused and quill pen scratching relentlessly against the parchment in front of her. It could be like this every day, he thought out of the blue and suddenly recalling Sinbad's letter, the gears in his mind begin to turn.

The next day, Kouen assembles a private meeting with his council.

  
o0o  


"Thank you for the white peaches." Ja'far bows before him. Kouen has no reason to follow her onto the ship to bid her farewell but he wants a little more time with her, even if it is only five or ten minutes longer. "If they don't spoil by the time I get back to Sindria, I'll be sure to share them with everyone. I know they'll love the taste just as much as I do."

"And if they do happen to start spoiling on your journey, what will you do?" Kouen teases her a bit.

Ja'far frowns at this, but her smile picks up quickly. "Then I'll just have to eat them myself and share them with the crew members."

'They're meant only for you and no one else but so long as you're unable to share them with your king, I guess shipmates are a better choice.' Kouen thinks to himself and he chuckles lightly at her reply. "That's quite generous of you. Ah, before I forget, please give this letter to your king." He says, pulling a scroll out from his sleeve and handing it off to her.

Ja'far takes the scroll gently into her hands, fingers curling tightly around it. "I'm assuming it's important?"

"Yes, it is." Kouen replies as Ja'far's expression turns curious.

"Then, would you allow me to read it first?" She asks and her interest amuses him.

"I believe you know the saying, patience is a virtue, right?"

Ja'far nods her head slowly.

"Then I would suggest that you wait to read it with your king." Kouen says, chuckling softly.

Ja'far makes a face at him but she doesn't argue. His point is valid enough she guesses so she nods her head again. Still, she can't help but feel a tad bit suspicious. It's only natural after all.

With the ship now ready to leave the docks, Kouen knows that his time is up. He sighs sadly at having to say goodbye but he is more than sure that Ja'far will be back in due time. After all, his letter will be more than enough to persuade her to return to his side, he is certain.

"I believe this is goodbye, Emperor Kouen." Ja'far says in a quiet voice. "It was a grand experience to work with you." She bows again but Kouen goes to stop her midway.

Gasping softly, she feels a strong hand lift her chin and when their eyes meet, Ja'far feels as though she's frozen in place. Before she can protest, Kouen presses his lips against her cheek, kissing her softly and when he pulls away, she can only imagine how red her face is.

"I promise you, this isn't goodbye. In fact, it is only the beginning." He tells her, voice calm and serious as the back of his fingers caress along the side of her face.

Ja'far stands there, utterly speechless, even after Kouen pulls away and walks off the ship. Around her, the shipmates are just as dumbstruck by the exchange and once the ship starts drifting away from the empire's docks, it is only then that Ja'far finally manages to get ahold of herself and swiftly retreat to her private quarters which are located below deck.

  
o0o  


'High King, Sinbad of the Seven Seas, given the gravity of the situation that is happening within the Kou Empire's and taking into consideration the viewpoints in which my councilmen stand, I, Emperor Kouen Ren of the Kou Empire accept your invitation into the Seven Seas Alliance as well as forming a truce between our two countries on the condition that Sindria's head advisor, Lady Ja'far be brought to the empire and instated as the country's Empress to rule beside me.'

Sinbad has no idea how many times he reads the first paragraph. Beside him, Ja'far stands there, just as shocked as he is.

'So that's what he meant…' She thought to herself, finally understanding the true meaning behind Kouen's last words to her. Swallowing thickly, she reads the last part of the scroll aloud. "If these conditions are not met and you are unable to answer this letter by the end of the month, then please consider the future prospect of a potential peace treaty between our nations, rejected."

"This is outrageous…" Sinbad glares at the scroll, burning holes into it and she shivers under the intense aura that surrounds him.

Ja'far places a hand against his arm, squeezing it gently, reassuringly if only to calm him down. She understands the situation at hand. They've been caught in a web and although she doesn't agree wholeheartedly with Kouen's demands, she doesn't want to risk Sindria entering another war so soon after having one just end. Everyone is still healing from the wounds inflicted by Gyokuen Ren and Al-Thama despite the many months that have already passed. They're truly lucky that Kouen didn't point his sword at them back then and she doesn't ever want to see it happen in the future. If this is the only way, if this can bring about the peace the world needs, if she holds the key then she knows what she has to do for the sake of the people she loves most.

"Sin." She whispers his name, her small hand reaching up to cup his face gently. Turning his hard gaze towards her, she sees the lack of light in his bright golden hues, how pained he looks because he knows what her decision is just by looking at her. "For you, for our people, I'll do it. I'll marry Kouen and become the bridge between Sindria and the Kou Empire."

And Sinbad squeezes his eyes shut after hearing her words. Breathing in sharply, he drops the scroll to the ground, ignoring the way it clatters against the stone tile as he takes Ja'far into a tight embrace.

  
o0o  


It is the night before her journey back to the Kou Empire, their last night together in Sindria as king and advisor because tomorrow, Ja'far will be considered the fiancée of Kouen Ren.

Ja'far normally doesn't approve of sleeping in Sinbad's bed so frequently, for fear of political scandal since their intimate relationship shouldn't exist in the first place but with the way things are, and the future that a waits for her, she doesn't have the heart to deny his desires. But in return for indulging him and his need for skinship with her, he stops frequenting the red light districts and partakes in not a single drop of alcohol, remaining completely sober during her last days in Sindria.

Although Sinbad has done all he can to remain unchanged and unfeeling of their situation, the dam breaks the moment he has Ja'far pressed down into his bed and wrapped up in his arms tightly.

"Sin?"

"I don't want you to go." He whispers into her hair, his face hidden from her worried gaze.

"I know." She says with a heavy heart, her hands gripping the back of his tunic tightly. "But, you'll be there for me, won't you?"

Sinbad breathes in the sweet scent perforating from her soft white tresses. It wasn't too long ago that they shared a bath together; abide too long to be considered a bath and he smiles softly at the memory. With it being their last night in the place they've always called home, he wants to make the remaining hours special for her.

Lifting his face up, he turns to look down at her lovingly and caresses her cheek. "Of course I'll be there for you. What kind of man would I be if I let you enter the lion's den alone?"

She breathes a sigh of relief, smiling sadly at him.

Lowering his face to hers, Sinbad captures her lips and kisses her passionately. Ja'far moans softly, opening her mouth for him and his tongue dives in within seconds to taste the sweetness hidden there. He's already forgotten how many times they've kissed in the last few weeks. It's been more than a thousand, he is quite sure but he wants as many as he can get before it is too late.

Although it hasn't been long since their earlier activities in the bath, Sinbad still strips her down until she's bare and naked under him. He doesn't understand why she continues to react with embarrassment even though they've done this many times before but it's Ja'far and regardless, he loves everything about her, from the freckles dusted around her nose and cheeks to the battle scars that litter her pale skin.

Taking a hold of her ankle, Sinbad lifts her leg up to his lips to kiss the joint before licking along the scar that stretches down her inner thigh.

Pressing the back of her hand against her mouth, Ja'far blinks back a few tears. She shouldn't cry, she really shouldn't but it's difficult to be strong when she knows they won't be allowed to have this kind intimacy anymore.

When Sinbad finally reaches her entrance and sweeps his tongue across her folds, it is only then that Ja'far cries out and allows her tears to finally fall.

He makes love to her, ensuring her needs are met before his own because it is the least he can do. He doubts Kouen will even want to satisfy her, so he marks her up, hoping that she will imprint his touch into her memories forever. When he is at the peak of his release, Sinbad is loath to pull out as he gives her a few last deep thrusts into her heat. He wants to release inside of her, to feel his seed planted deep in her womb but he knows Ja'far won't allow it, especially now. He's done it before, in the past but because of it they've had a few close calls, all of which she has never forgiven him for and to do it against her will now would mean losing her respect for good should a surprise arrive months down the road when she becomes the Empress of the Kou Empire.

It would mean disgrace.

Spilling across her stomach, Sinbad's body quivers above her and when he looks down at her, he is pained to see her tear streaked face. Without a word, he reaches down to wipe away the salty stream that paints her cheeks with the pad of his finger and he smiles at her before leaning down to kiss away the rest of her tears.

  
o0o  


The journey to the Kou Empire feels much shorter than Ja'far remembers. With each day that passes as they sail closer to her new home, the more she feels the anxiety creep over her. Sinbad does his best to keep her sane—calm but he can only do so much for her.

The day they finally reach the country's main docks, Kouen is there, waiting to greet them.

Ja'far tenses at the sight of his smug expression. It is as if he knew all along what would happen the moment he placed the scroll into her hands and she curses him bitterly. She shouldn't have listened to him and read it anyways.

"It's good to see you again, Ja'far."

"Pleasure." She replies; her eyes casted downwards to avoid the disgusting look of triumph on her future husband's face.

She doesn't bow either, and it makes Kouen's faction turn sour at her disrespect.

Ja'far pays them no mind though, and Kouen merely smiles at her defiance before he closes the short gap between them and wraps an arm around her waist. It has her stiffening instantly. Turning to look over at Sinbad, the king of Sindria clenches his fists tightly and gives her a rigid nod, unable to do anything to help her or risk exposing their relationship.

They've already agreed that the moment Ja'far steps into the Kou Empire, that they would be nothing more than acquaintances at best. It pains them both deeply, but it is the only way.

"Come, you all must be exhausted after having been at sea for so long." Kouen says, and he begins leading Ja'far away from her companions to the carriage sitting just a few feet away.

With Ja'far being taken further and further away from him, Sinbad curses the red haired man a thousand times over.

  
o0o  


The wedding between Kouen and Ja'far is lavishing.

Kougyoku seems to be the most excited out of all her sisters and she compliments Ja'far more times than anyone else that day. The woman has been nothing but truly kind to her, having always paid close attention to the girl since she had so very little companionship throughout her life. And now that she is the sister in-law to the young Kou princess; it is probably one of the few things that makes Ja'far smile, if just a little.

All of Sindria's generals are present, as well as a few major nobles. Even the four Magi's are all there to witness the event, thanks to Aladdin's persistence and Ja'far easily spots Alibaba and Morgiana amongst the guests as well.

Sinbad is smiling for her, but she knows it's nothing more than a façade. She herself is wearing one and although she knows—a wedding should be one of the happiest moments in a woman's life, it is not the case for her.

As she looks on at Kouen, Ja'far accepts that he will have her hand—that much is true but he will not have her heart she promises herself.

  
o0o  


Their wedding night terrifies Ja'far in the beginning when Kouen forcibly pins her down to the bed.

His touch is hardly considered gentle, and she trembles considerably when he has her completely naked under him. As his fingers glide down across the smooth skin of her stomach towards her womanhood, her breathing spikes. Luckily he doesn't do much to her aside from thrusting his digits into her heat several times to help stimulate her and get her wet inside, however, the moment he finally enters her is a completely different story.

Ja'far grips the sheets, turning her head to the side to muffle out her cries into the pillow beside her head. She doesn't want to give him the satisfaction of hearing her cry out for him and although she feels like she's got a hold of herself when she bites the thick fabric between her teeth, it isn't long before Kouen begins to pound inside of her.

She absolutely hates how her body is beginning to react and it becomes challenging with each second that passes to contain her moans.

"You truly are defiant!" Kouen says, panting, his thrusts fast and punishing. "Why won't you cry out for me?"

As her body rocks unwillingly against him, Ja'far manages to glance up at him from the corner of her eyes before squeezing her eyelids shut. She doesn't answer him at all and when she miraculously reaches her release with Kouen, she screams into the pillow, biting down harder than ever to drown out the sound.

She hates how filthy she feels with his release inside of her and when he finally pulls out, she curls up into a tight ball and refuses to look at his face for the rest of the night.

  
o0o  


The morning after, Kouen finally takes the time to trace the scars that litter his new wife's body.

Some are already faint with time but there are still others that are more obvious. He isn't blind to the ones drawn along her inner thighs, even last night he saw them but he held his tongue back in favor of satisfying his need to touch her at long last.

She finally belongs to him but only in title. The silverette still has yet to fully accept him, and he is aware of her latest dislike of him as well. He's no fool.

Still, he is confident in himself, confident that with time, she will learn to warm up to him again.

  
o0o  


"Let me be brutally honest with you, Emperor Kouen. If I hear that you so much as make Ja'far cry or unhappy in any way, I will take her back to Sindria, even if it is against her will."

"If you were to do that, you would be breaching our agreement." Kouen counters, glaring slowly at the older king who matches his darkening stare fiercely.

"I'm not talking about politics, this is about Ja'far." Sinbad says; his voice hard. "If I had any say in the matter, she wouldn't have been here in the first place but we both know why she made the decision despite what she truly wants. All I ask is that you consider her happiness and not neglect her feelings because I swear, I will ruin you if you hurt her." He threatens.

"You have nothing to worry about, King Sinbad." He replies; his temper flaring now but he controls himself firmly. It'd be very bad if they were to start fighting and should it come down to djinn equipping—he can't even fathom what would happen afterwards. "Rest assure, I guarantee that Ja'far will be happy here in the Kou Empire because I will be able to give her everything you couldn't."

Sinbad tenses considerably, because he knows it is true. As king and advisor, there is only so much he can give her within their restrictive relationship and with a heavy heart, he nods his head in silence; feeling even more defeated than ever before.

  
o0o  


Ja'far has a harder time adjusting to the Kou Empire as the new Empress than she originally thought.

When she'd been the visiting head advisor of Sindria, things were much simpler but now she's fatigued more often than usual—both physically and mentally. What's worse is that she can hardly remember feeling this way when she'd been back home, remembering long nights of paperwork, her friends and Sinbad—she begins yearning for the familiarity of her country almost desperately. It's even harder for her to work by Kouen's side now because of how tired she's been and more often than not she begins to retire to their shared bedroom earlier than he does.

What's the use of trying to work when there's the certainty she'll pass out on the job?

Waking up with the emperor beside her isn't so bad anymore now that it's been over a month since they've been married but his dominance over her is still overbearing and Ja'far can't help but call him a tyrant every once in a while when she feels his strong arms wrapped around her waist. It is quite different compared to when Sinbad holds her, she notes, comparing how less gentle and loving it is. The unnecessary amount of strength in his embraces feels borderline possessive. Although it is quite unnerving to some degree, Ja'far still can't help but wonder if it's Kouen's way of showing his affection for her. Either that or he really is just being a pompous, tyrannical man.

Most days, if Ja'far isn't working, she spends her free time with her sister in-laws Hakuei and Kougyoku. The six other Kou princesses don't seem as interested in her for whatever reason but Ja'far doesn't care. They'll come around sooner or later when they feel like it, she hopes. Hakuryuu, Koumei and Kouha are acceptable company as well and so long as she isn't alone with Judal, she tolerates the Magi just fine—surprisingly.

As another month falls away from the calendar, Ja'far's fatigue worsens until the day she finally collapses in the middle of the hallway with Kougyoku and Hakuryuu by her side. The young prince is swift to catch her before she hits the ground and Ja'far is relieved as her mind begins to go blank.

The news of her collapse spreads like wild fire throughout the palace and in no time, Kouen, Koumei, Kouha and Hakuei are there to see her at her bedside. It is only for a brief moment though, because seconds later the family doctor is shooing them all out the door.

"I can't have the lot of you crowding around my patient, you'll only make matters worse." She says and Kougyoku pouts at her despite the ring of truth in her words.

When the doctor closes the door, leaving the family outside to wait as she assesses the health of their beloved Empress, Hakuryuu is the first to break the expansive silence after what seems like an hour.

"I do hope Ja'far is alright." He says worriedly.

"I'm sure she is fine." Koumei yawns.

"You sure?" Kouha arches a brow at him, looking at him skeptically. "Her baggy eyes are worse than yours and it's weird because unlike you she actually gets a decent amount of sleep."

As if appearing from out of thin air, Judal is seen floating above them, grinning knowingly. "Oh believe me, there is nothing to be worried about. Freckles is just fine."

"Judal!" Hakuryuu glares up at the Magi. "That is no way to speak about Ja'far! And how can she be fine when she just fainted?!"

The Magi merely rolls his eyes though, seemingly unaffected by the prince's offended attitude. Pinching the air, he plucks at a bright white rukh, allowing it to become visible to the eyes of the royal family for but a second before he releases it back into the air. It's taken some practice but he's managed to control the corruption of black rukh he sometimes spreads.

'Oh, Ja'far is alright, there is nothing to really be worried about at all.' Judal thinks to himself. In fact, they should be rejoicing soon enough now that he senses movement going on behind the doors.

Moments later, Kouen is called into the room and though he wears an indifferent expression, he is more than a little hesitant to learn about what is ailing his beloved wife. Upon entering his chambers, he sees the doctor smiling. It peeks his interest now and his eyes wander over to the silverette still lying asleep in their bed.

"Empress Ja'far is quite alright your highness. She gave us all a bit of a scare but the good news is that the empire has something grand to look forward to in the coming months for our dear Empress is carrying a child inside of her. Congratulations, Emperor Kouen." The woman bows and it takes the male much longer than he expects for the news to sink in.

'A child? So Ja'far's fatigue had been caused by a pregnancy all a long?' He questions more to himself than anything else.

Silently, Kouen makes his way over to his wife's bedside. Sitting down, he ignores the family physician leaving the room (probably off to inform the others of the good news) and instead reaches down to stroke the silverette's cheek lovingly.

He's happy. He may not show it, but he really does feel incredibly happy.

  
o0o  


When Ja'far wakes up and learns about her pregnancy, she is less enthusiastic than the rest of the family.

Kougyoku and Hakuei seem to be bouncing on their heels while the brothers congratulate them. She's smiles at their happiness but for her—well she isn't quite prepared for motherhood so soon after having gotten married not too long ago.

Finally alone in their bedroom, Judal makes his appearance known and she frowns at the way he sneers at her.

"Bet you wish it was Sinbad's don't you?" He teases and instantly she makes a pained noise.

Judal's breath hitches and he steps back, blinking at the sight of a tearful Ja'far. Her emotions must be all over the place since she's pregnant, he thinks but then again his words were hardly kind and he bites down on his bottom lip with a groan. He really didn't mean to make her cry.

"Look, I'm sorry okay Freckles—I didn't mean anything by it…"

Ja'far doesn't look up at him though. Shaking her head, she hugs her trembling frame tightly and in a quiet voice, asks him to leave.

Judal does just that but later in the night sneaks back into the room to leave her a bowl of peaches. She isn't the only one who loves eating them.


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story they belong respectfully to Shinobu Ohtaka.
> 
> Warning: Themes of mpreg, genderbender and whatever, you know all that good stuff, AU, some crossovers because it seemed fitting and also some mild OOC-ness… If any of this bothers you then you have the option of not reading.
> 
> A/N: So we've made it to part 2 of Feels Like Insomnia! Yay! It's getting pretty EnJa heavy, so SinJa shippers please beware! ): If EnJa isn't your cup of tea, it's all cool I understand :') Also, I extended it to one more chapter because of the length of part 2… I wrote too much again .-. All because I got caught up in writing all the fluffy EnJa moments... Happy reading though you guys!

As Ja'far's stomach grows rounder in the coming months, no one is more fascinated by it than her husband Kouen.

Kougyoku and Hakuei may twitter about the palace with excitement over the prospect of their future niece or nephew but Kouen's constant arm around Ja'far's waist speaks volumes.

After one particularly grueling meeting, Kouen stops in the middle of the hall when he sees Ja'far bent over slightly with Kougyoku beside her. His sister is obviously worried, but the contemplative expression his wife wears is a bit surprising in comparison. Seconds later, she begins to smile and he hears her next words, his eyes widening briefly.

"The baby, it just kicked."

"Huh?" Kougyoku blinks. "Really?"

"It moved just now, I felt it." Ja'far insists, her smile growing.

All this time it felt like her pregnancy had been a burden to her but feeling her child kick inside of her; Ja'far realizes at that instant the responsible she's been tasked with. Despite whom their father is, despite not being in love with him—she will love their child unconditionally because although they may be Kouen's flesh and blood, their child is hers too. Thinking this, she hugs her stomach gently, rubbing the area where she last felt the movements coming from her unborn baby.

Kouen watches all of this unfold before him and at night when they are alone in their room he surprises her from behind by winding his arms carefully around her waist and kissing the back of her neck.

"K-Kouen!"

"Sit with me." He says softly in her ear.

It is hardly considered a question, more like a statement if anything else but there is barely any hint of real demanding in his voice, Ja'far realizes.

Still, she can't help but feel reluctant and Ja'far pauses for a moment before giving into his request with a short sigh. It's only fair that she indulge him every once in a while since they're married after all.

Knowing that he'd won her over, she feels Kouen give her one last kiss to her neck and it makes her shiver. As he pulls back, he begins leading her slowly to their bed. Sitting down on the comforter first, he spreads his legs open, just enough to make room for her and Ja'far takes the space hesitantly; her back pressed stiffly against his chest.

An uncomfortable silence falls over them once they settle in together and Ja'far can't help but squirm when Kouen's hands return to her mid-section. Only now, his fingers spread across her stomach, wandering aimlessly to feel the bulge of their child growing inside of her. She blushes at the intimate contact and wonders why he's doing this. It's as if he's searching for something but she can't very well pinpoint it.

"W—what is it with you all of a sudden?" She asks, shakily.

"You felt the baby kick earlier today." Kouen replies, pressing his face against her back.

"You saw?"

"Yes."

Ja'far glances slightly over her shoulder, eying the top of his head. "I'm guessing you want to feel it too—don't you?"

Kouen doesn't answer her but Ja'far quickly assumes it to be a yes. Sighing again, softly this time, she places her small hands on top of his own—leading them gently around the surface of her delicate bulge until they're placed along her lower stomach. It takes some time, but eventually, Kouen feels a tiny thud and his breath hitches at that instant, his mind filled with amazement. This movement, though weak is significant and he can't help but rest his chin on top of the silverette's shoulder now and smile.

A few more pounds from the baby follow afterwards and Kouen is more than satisfied by them. Hearing her husband chuckle softly behind her, Ja'far looks down at their hands and sees the way their fingers are laced together tightly. She doesn't remember it happening and continues to stare down at them, intrigued.

When they finally lay down together, Kouen's touch is soft, much softer than Ja'far can ever remember and she surprises herself even more when she slowly wills herself to return his kiss good night.

  
o0o  


"According to the magicians in the Kou Empire, Ja'far's pregnancy is coming along nicely your highness." Yamuraiha beams but one look at her king and her expression falls. He hasn't been the same since their head advisor left to become their new ally's Empress and she wishes she'd been a little more considerate, given his attitude as of lately.

"That's good to hear." Sinbad says, smiling falsely. "I'll leave you to your work now."

"Of course my king." The female magician bows, watching sadly as her ruler turns heel and walks away.

Since learning of the expecting birth of the new crown prince or princess, Sinbad recalls Kouen's words during their last meeting.

'You have nothing to worry about, King Sinbad. Rest assure, I guarantee that Ja'far will be happy here in the Kou Empire because I will be able to give her everything you couldn't.' He shudders every time he is reminded of the memory because it is true. And he hates it, absolutely despise it. If she had still been here, she wouldn't have had that—a child and Sinbad knows that despite their positions in Sindria, having a family was one of the few things she wanted most in life in addition to remaining at his side. Now that she is no longer his advisor, she can have it but Sinbad is selfish.

As he walks on towards an undetermined destination, Sinbad wishes deep down, that it should have been him that made her dream come true instead of Kouen.

  
o0o  


Somewhere down the line, Ja'far begins to call Kouen, En.

It'd been a slip of the tongue but with how frequently the royal siblings called him that, she figured it was probably bound to happen eventually. Though she really wished it'd caught up to her later done the road than now.

Kouen isn't at all bothered by it though. In fact, he actually encourages Ja'far to call him En and though she's embarrassed in the beginning, the name begins to grow on her each time he holds her close to him.

It should disgust her, how loving he is being all of a sudden but Ja'far's heart falters and the sparks of intimacy between them begin to draw her in like a moth to a flaming candle.

  
o0o  


The pain is positively excoriating and Ja'far nearly screams at the top of her lungs.

The mid wives around her scramble, doing their best to calm her down but it isn't until the doors fly open and Kouen is entering the room swiftly that she finally pauses to catch her breath.

"E-En!" She gasps his name desperately, panting for air and he rushes to sit down beside her in an instant, her body pulled up closer to his.

Kouen lets Ja'far hold his hand, lets her squeeze it tight enough until he can no longer feel the blood circulating throughout his arm anymore as her body shakes with pain while trying to give birth to their child. It is more than obligation that he is here, more than duty itself he comes to realize. Whether they are both even aware of it or not, Ja'far needs him to be here with her more than anything and as a father to be, he wants to see his first child with the woman he's come to care about take their first breath.

Everyone in the room is rooting for her and with as much strength as she can possibly muster she gives one final, powerful push and lets out a silent shriek.

Her eyes roll back and slowly her head falls softly against her husband's side. Everything around her sounds muffled; her vision blurry but she feels as though there is excitement in the air. Is it really, finally over? She wonders, is my baby a boy or a girl? The waiting drags on but her unspoken questions are soon answered in the form of a piercing wail and it gradually brings Ja'far out of her thoughts. When she tries to sit up, she feels dizzy and falls back down, leaving Kouen to fluff up her pillows and help her back up instead.

"Your majesties, congratulations." The physician says, looking slightly disheveled but still smiling. "It is a boy, a prince."

The pair sees the wiggling bundle in the woman's arms and with what little strength she has left in her, Ja'far reaches out almost desperately for him and the doctor hands him off gently.

Lifting away the fabric, Ja'far gasps at the sight of a healthy baby boy—her son. There is no doubt about who his father is and she admires the damp head of thin red hair he has. It is the only visible feature she can see so far, but nonetheless he is still beautiful in her eyes and she smiles down at him as tears begin to cloud her vision again.

Kouen is absolutely speechless. After nine long months of waiting, he is finally a father and seeing his son in the arms of his mother—he smiles down at the pair, lowering his lips to Ja'far's sweat soaked hairline as he kisses her there gently.

"What will the crown prince's name be your majesties? Have you thought of one yet?"

Ja'far is only half listening, her attention drawn towards the baby more than anything else so Kouen takes the chance to say something instead.

"Koujaku Ren." He declares and hearing this, Ja'far suddenly steps in and glares at him.

"Another Kou?" She demands.

"Yes, is there something wrong with that?" Kouen arches a brow at her and she glares. "Our country is the Kou Empire so it is only natural that Kou takes place in each royal's name."

"Hakuei and Hakuryuu don't have Kou in their names." She points out.

He shrugs. "They're an exception. I don't need to explain it to you since you already know why."

"But that still isn't fair though." She pouts. "Don't I get a say in naming him? I'm his mother."

"Then what do you suggest, dear mother of my child?"

Ja'far makes an irritated noise at him but it makes Kouen smirk in her bid to be serious about the situation. "Kanba, I like the name Kanba." she replies quietly, still pouting as her eyes fall back down towards the whining child in her arms.

"How is that any better than Koujaku?" He frowns.

"Because Kou isn't in the name nor does it sound repetitive. It's unique."

"I still believe Koujaku is more suitable than Kanba so we'll name him Koujaku Ren."

"Excuse me?" Her gaze snaps back up at him, angry now and for once Kouen regrets prodding at her in her tired state. "Did you carry this child in your womb for nine months? Did you experience fatigue, swollen feet and sickness morning, noon and night? I have more right than you to name our child given the hell I went through to bring him into this world! You have no idea how much it was killing me to give birth to him just minutes ago!" She yells and it has everyone in the room shaking nervously, including Kouen.

It is a one-sided glaring contest, one that Ja'far easily wins. "I understand your point, Ja'far… Kanba Ren it is then…" He finally says and his wife smirks in response while Kouen lets out a heavy sigh and makes a mental note to trudge around the silverette extra carefully next time she's pregnant again.

  
o0o  


When all is quiet that night, the magicians and doctors gone as well as the many visitors that have been filtering in and out of the room, Ja'far stares blurry eyed at Kouen who is finally able to hold Kanba in his arms.

For the first time, she notices a hint of uncertainty in his eyes and wonders if he's afraid. Kanba is fast asleep, full from feeding from her breast so it is much easier for Kouen to handle him.

She's tired, so very tired but Ja'far doesn't want to leave things left unsaid or forgotten.

"Are you afraid, En?" She speaks up, her voice quiet.

He looks up at her, silent.

"Are you afraid, now that you've become a father?" She asks again, her words more specific this time.

He looks down at the content expression on Kanba's face. "Would you think less of me if I am?"

Ja'far thinks for a moment and begins to collect her memories together of the man she calls her husband and nothing more. Or so she first thought.

He is everything Sinbad isn't and yet there are still some similarities that they share. Kouen is just a bit more honest and outspoken about his feelings and doesn't care to hide his intentions whereas Sinbad has learned to cover his tracks but still find a way to achieve his goals. He's powerful, tyrannical and demanding depending on the situation and it is frightening, make no mistake. Yet she's seen a side of him that makes Ja'far question her feelings about him, a side that makes her begin to doubt everything about the life she is now living.

After their wedding night, Kouen gave his concubines away to Koumei at Ja'far's demand. If he was going to take control of her life than she would make him suffer as well so one of the first things she did was forbid him from enjoying the lifestyle of having a harem ever again. She was stunned that he made no argument against it, in fact he seemed prepared for whatever rules she wanted to bestow on him and readily agreed.

There's been no concubine seen in her presence since then and working beside Kouen day in and day out, she knows he hasn't broken his promise to her.

She doesn't understand why he puts up with her so well despite her attitude. He even goes so far as to laugh at her sometimes and teases her openly. She doesn't want to be any closer to him than she already has to be but his subtle gestures of kindness and perhaps love, make it difficult for her to continue wearing a hard mask around him.

Maybe it is time for her to see him with open eyes, she wonders, still looking at the pair. Her son gives her that hope and the longer she gazes at the babe lovingly, the more she feels it is the best choice to make—not only for her happiness but for Kanba's as well.

"En, I won't think any less of you. Not at all because being afraid is only natural." She smiles. "After all, you're not the only one who is new to this parenting business. Besides, you at the very least had parents throughout your life, whereas I killed mine when I was still a child…" She admits sadly. "I don't even know the first thing about being a mother and I hardly remember mine but we have to try, for our son because if we don't we would only be repeating history won't we? If we don't want Kanba to turn out as an enemy of the world, it is up to us to help shape him into a leader that is loved by his people and those around him."

Kouen's breath quickens when Ja'far emphasizes Kanba as their son. She's right he thinks, he's not alone in this because she's scared too, just as much as he is. Taking in the sight of her, he watches the way the moonlight bounces against her silvery white tresses, making it glow and shimmer. It's still disheveled since she'd been through giving birth not too long ago but he finds it entrancing, regardless and decides to approach her while carefully holding their son.

As their eyes meet, Kouen notices the exhaustion her body has endured. She really has been through hell and back and admires her strength even more now, respecting her in the way she deserves. She'd been a former assassin, killed god knows how many people in her lifetime, became Sindria's advisor and now the Empress of the Kou Empire at his demands. Nothing has been easy for her, he realizes and he feels as though with a little more time and patience, maybe—just maybe they can open up to each other and become something that is real.

With that in mind, he walks himself over to her side, getting under the covers next to her slowly without disturbing Kanba, miraculously enough. Ja'far shifts in her place to make room for him, and when he's comfortable enough he hands the sleeping prince back to her and Ja'far takes him without question.

Hands free, Kouen wraps an arm around his wife's shoulder and pulls her close. "Let me in." He says, whispering into her hair and Ja'far closes her eyes.

"I'll try if only you do the same as well." She replies tiredly. "Just don't neglect him, don't neglect our son…"

"I won't." He says, his lips pressing against her forehead.

Ja'far then sighs contently, falling asleep soon after with her son in her arms and Kouen drifting off right next to her.

  
o0o  


When Kanba finally opens his eyes, everyone coos at the soft milky green color found there. They're Ja'far's eyes and it makes the former assassin proud that he managed to inherit them since the Ren's gene pool seems to be more dominate than hers.

"He's so squishy." Kouha comments as he pinches at his nephew's toes. "But still really cute." He admits.

Judal floats over to the crown prince, feeling curious and when he's within the infant's sights, Kanba squeaks at him, his fists clenching and unclenching. It is as if he's trying to reach out for him and seeing the stunned look on the Magi's face, Ja'far hesitantly brings Kanba closer to him, allowing the two to touch.

Seeing that the Empress trusts him enough to be so close to her son, Judal gives the boy a finger and his small hand instantly goes up to grip it tightly. He wiggles the digit gently, causing Kanba to make spitting noises at him and when Judal tries to take his finger back, the infant refuses to let go. Pulling back slightly harder, Kanba reacts to the sudden jolt and his expression twists—he looks like he's about to cry. It makes Judal panic a little inside, so quickly he sticks out his tongue and makes a face at him. Luckily it gets the princes attention and he smiles up at him, thus saving everyone from having to suffer to his tearful wails.

Ja'far can't help but giggle at the way Judal's cheeks glow with embarrassment but from the way he's interacting with Kanba, she feels certain that her son will find a way to wiggle into the Magi's heart.

Instead of paperwork nowadays, Ja'far spends her time tending to Kanda and learning the ropes of motherhood. It's daunting but with much support, trial and error she begins to get the hang of it and Kouen admires her determination from a far.

  
o0o  


Everyone can't help but dote on Kanba, spoiling him with all manners of love and affection but luckily Ja'far is there to try and teach him right from wrong and tries to monitor his behavior diligently. If he is to be the next emperor, she wants more than anything for him to be compassionate and unprejudiced because although power is essential, strength of heart and will are just as important in her belief.

Kouen is surprisingly thoughtful as well and is careful not to spoil Kanba either. However, Ja'far notes that he can still use a little more work in terms of showing his love for their son. The crown prince, shockingly enough is a bit terrified of his father, but who wouldn't be? If Ja'far isn't in the room, all Kanba does is screech and whine, making it difficult for the emperor to control or calm him down. Not even his household members are able to approach the boy, given their half assimilated appearance and Ja'far pities them a little because she knows they care about their crown prince and would be willing to protect him at all costs. It's just saddening for them, being unable to play with him like everyone else.

Still, she can see that Kouen is still trying—he's only just become a father for the first time and he's new to the job, they both are.

Remembering their sleepy conversation that night after Kanba's birth, Ja'far is proud of Kouen's efforts nonetheless and when she's feeling generous, she can't help but kiss him as a reward when they're alone. In the past she would have never allowed herself to do such a thing, but since their intimacy has grown at a comfortable level, she no longer minds it and it seems as though everyone else around them is pleased by how far they've come together as well.

  
o0o  


In the castles enormous garden, Ja'far sits amongst the flowers, weaving a floral crown while Judal bounces an excited Kanba in his lap. She's learned to tolerate his presence now as shocking as it is and on good days the Magi will sometimes fall asleep with her son on her lap.

"Kouen has changed a lot." He comments out of the blue.

Ja'far stops for a moment, her finger brushing a white petal before continuing on to secure the stems.

"Oh? How so?"

"Because he's married to you."

She frowns, laying the floral crown down in her lap. "Is that supposed to be an insult?"

"No, I'm just pointing out that he is a man that likes war and yet here he is living a peaceful life with you and a son. I once saw him as a man who would rule the entire world, y'know but with the empire being apart of the Seven Sea's Alliance, that vision will probably never happen."

"And it won't." Ja'far says firmly, her expression growing serious. "I'm married to Kouen for that reason—to help keep the peace between our nations and there is no sense in creating strife now that Al-Thama has been eliminated for the most part. The world has suffered enough at the hands of war, Judal, though I wouldn't say that it is entirely peaceful either. At least in the Kou Empire…" She adds, recalling the current uprisings that have been happening lately.

Some protests are harmless but it makes leaving the protection of the palace walls problematic when there are certain groups who are out to overthrow the royal family. While Kouen is doing his best to rebuild the country from the ground up after Al-Thama's many years of influence, many people have begun to regard the Ren family as the very cause of their everyday problems. It's like Balbadd all over again except unlike the Saluja brothers, Kouen is a more capable leader. It is only because of his family's history, Al-Thama and Gyokuren herself who have tarnished his image as well as the reputations of his siblings and Ja'far understands how it leaves a bad taste in the people's mouths.

Still, there's no excuse of how many times her brother and sister in-laws have been attacked by the rebels. Ja'far can still use the powers of her metal vessel, Bararaq Sei just fine, thank goodness and she's grateful her newfound family possess their own powers as well however it's still hard for her not worry about them whenever they come and go.

  
o0o  


Because it's been so long since she's seen combat, Ja'far feels rusty and asks Kouen to spar with her. If she's to protect her son and her family she wants to be prepare, to feel the adrenaline through her veins again and rush at the enemy with all her might. She can't afford to continue living on in the lap of luxury any longer.

Though surprised at first, Kouen agrees and when he spares time, he leads the silverette to the courtyard while Kougyoku and Judal keep Kanba occupied from afar. There is no sense in endangering the prince's life getting any closer and with Judal there; his borg alone is enough to help deflect any stray attacks should the sparring get out of hand.

Ja'far is far less graceful than she used to be and it makes her curse under her breath. She still manages to control Bararaq Sei well enough, releasing static electricity into the air when she swings the blades and wires around Kouen but a year of not using her weapons is a long time and she feels as though she's lost some of the deadly control she once had.

Kouen is enthralled, excited and he fights with a rising spirit as he raises his sword up to block Ja'far's electricity with his fire. He doesn't djinn equip, he agreed not to since the disadvantage would be too great. Even though Ja'far's movements are slightly challenged and clumsy, she still manages to dodge him just fine. She's quick on her feet, able to move at an amazing speed and cut at him but Kouen is just as fast, if not faster and counters her attacks with his blade each and every time.

As Ja'far begins twirling her wires into the air, hoping to cage Kouen and restrict him from moving any further, the emperor makes a daring decision to jump and dodge roll under an opening between the red cords. It is a risky move and he escapes but in the process he gets burnt by the heat of lightning that surges through the wire when it touches his arm. Ja'far gasps at him, her attack wavering for just a moment and it's at that second that Kouen takes his chance, charging straight at her only to touch the tip of his sword to her chest. One thrust forward and she would be done for but luckily the battle isn't serious and Kouen sheaths his blade again.

Seeing his injury, Ja'far panics a little inside, takes his arm from him and inspects it, all the while shaking because she hadn't meant for him to get hurt. Kouen is indifferent though and merely smiles at her antics knowingly.

"It is alright, I'll heal it." He says, activating his djinn, Phenex in the tassel of his sword.

Ja'far watches with interest as the burn melts away. His arm is as good as new, save for his sleeve that is. Without thinking though, she goes to hug him around the waist, her face buried against his chest.

"Fool, I could have really hurt you…"

"You forget I have Phenex so it is fine."

"No its not." She replies, feeling guilty but Kouen doesn't want to hear it.

Before she is able to speak anymore, he silences her firmly with a kiss and Ja'far doesn't hesitate to throw her arms around his neck to bring him closer, their kiss deepening.

"Urgh!" Judal sticks his tongue out. "They really need to get a room!"

"I shouldn't look!" Kougyoku exclaims, her eyes hidden behind her fingers but seconds later she spreads them open anyways and peeks at the couple's display. "Oh, but it's so romantic though!" She gushes, her eyes twinkling, all the while the Magi beside her rolls his eyes at the scene in spite of her.

  
o0o  


When nearly a year has passed since the day Ja'far became the Empress of the Kou Empire, she doesn't even realize it what with how busy she's been with taking care of Kanba and helping Kouen in the legislation. There are still revolts happening much to her sadness and it hadn't been long ago when her life as well as the life of her son had been threatened by them.

It'd only been a harmless visit to a small village outside the city limits. She was expecting to greet the villagers and pay respect as was her duty to see to the condition of her people but it'd all been a set up and her escorts were ambushed upon arrival. Although she fought well enough on her own, the number of enemies was overwhelming for her and with Kanba so close, her mind had been all over the place. Luckily Kouen had been smart and sent Judal to watch over her and with his help the battle was won easily. Upon their arrival back to the palace though, Kouen was furious and since then, the punishment for treason had grown severe.

No longer giving his people a slap on the wrist, the rebellion has died down some since the incident but the resentment still remains. With at least Judal by her side, Ja'far continues to visit the people, though Kouen is reluctant to let her go, worried about hers and Kanba's safety more than ever now.

Ja'far understands his concern, she doesn't think any less of him for it but she reasons that with every occupation a person takes, there is always a risk. It is the most she can say to reassure him and he accepts her reasoning, abide halfheartedly.

  
o0o  


When Kanba finally learns how to crawl at eight months, it is before bed one night and Ja'far smiles from ear to ear with glee at his accomplishment.

It takes some time, but most days Kouen retires early with his wife and child now and seeing his son on the move from the edge of their bed to their pillows makes him grin. As Kanba crawls over to him quickly, Kouen opens his arms wide; capturing him midway before the boy can nestle into his lap.

He's become well-adjusted to being a father now, thanks to Ja'far's support and seeing her look at the two of them tenderly makes his heartbeat faster. Soon enough, she crosses over the bed to them and places her hands gently atop his shoulder, cooing at Kanba until the boy giggles at her.

Lying down on the comforter first, Ja'far pats the side next to her and Kouen places their son down in the space before taking up the rest of the room. Kanba immediately goes for his mother's embrace and she cuddles him closely to her chest as Kouen chuckles at the sight.

Although Kanba has a crib of his own, he only sleeps in it during the day when Ja'far puts him down for a nap. When night time comes, he down right refuses to return to the cradle for reasons unknown, making it difficult for his mother, so he takes to sleeping between his parents in their bed instead. Not that they mind of course.

Kouen has yet to admit it but he enjoys having his son and Ja'far so close to him. Waking up to the sight of them is even better and he likes how far he and the former advisor of Sindria have come together.

  
o0o  


During Kanba's first birthday, it is the first time that Ja'far has seen Sinbad or anyone else from Sindria since her wedding day.

Aladdin is still as sweet as ever and congratulates her and Kouen for making such an adorable baby. Yamuraiha and Pisti's reactions are much different in comparison—reluctant since it is the Emperor's son and not their king's but Kanba wins them over by giggling happily at them when they're in his presence.

Ja'far laughs softly at how some of the Sindria general's gush at her son, yet despite the happy façade she sees, she still can't help but feel like they're holding something back. It's in the way they look at her, in the way their eyes shift down almost sadly to her son. Even if they laugh out loudly and smile brightly at her she still notices the way they look back slightly, over their shoulder as if searching for someone. Sharrkan blows it when he blatantly gazes from Kanba to Sinbad who is talking animatedly with Hakuei and it doesn't take Ja'far much longer to figure out just what they're thinking.

It saddens her really. Though it is unintentional it still feels cruel and with Kanba in her arms, she escapes the party with the excuse of needing fresh air.

When she's out in the gardens, Ja'far feels a sense of relief wash over her. It feels good to break away from the judgmental eyes however the pain it left still remains and she sinks to her knees, clutching her son gently. The boy is oblivious—unable to speak up for his existence and he's entirely innocent so it shouldn't matter who his father is so long as they accept him as her son, she thinks.

Why does it matter if it is not his child?

Thinking that, Ja'far's eyes widen at the thought of her lover—a lover that she hasn't seen nor spoken to in nearly a year. Shaking her head quickly, she tries to dispel him and the doubt from her mind. Her expression saddens though but Kanda makes a short noise, almost whining at her before he reaches up and pats gently at her cheek. It leaves Ja'far speechless, how curious and worried her son looks up at her and she holds him close to her, thanking the heavens for giving her such a wonderful gift.

Behind them, it takes a moment but eventually Ja'far hears the sound of footsteps coming their way. Her heartbeat quickens, unsure if it is a friend or foe approaching her and her son. Even if it is a friendly party, danger could be lurking anywhere she tells herself.

Getting into a stance, she kneels steadily, readying herself for the moment to bolt as she looks over her shoulder at the newcomer.

"What is with that scary look? Did you think I would hurt you?"

Ja'far gasps under her breath, her eyes widening at the sight of the man before her. "Sin…"

He frowns at her, his arms crossed tightly against his chest. "Are you alright Ja'far?"

"Uh." The silverette gets up swiftly, swaying lightly on her feet as Kanba whines at the sudden movement. "I-I'm fine!" She says, smiling nervously.

Sinbad shakes his head and chuckles softly at her display.

Silent again, the two share a look filled with an unreadable amount of varying emotions. It's been so long since they've last seen each other that Ja'far can't help but feel her heart begin to throb and skip a beat here and there. It's nerve-wracking for her but it is the same for the high king as well.

In her arms, Kanba clings tightly to her now and as Sinbad steps closer to them he feels his heart drop at the sight of the redheaded boy.

"I-uh, I'm glad you were able to make it to my son's birthday, King Sinbad." Ja'far says, smiling sadly as she looks down and keeps her eyes glued to the sight of her feet. What's the use, she thought. The feelings behind his stare are far worse the judgmental gaze of her friends.

"I'm glad I could be here." He replies, his voice quieter than usual. "Kanba, is it?"

"Yes." Ja'far adjusts the boy in her arms, turning his gaze slightly towards Sinbad.

"He has your eyes, they're quite lovely."

"Thank you, though I'm quite sure that as he grows older, the softness will eventually fade."

"It's called growing up." Sinbad grins. "All children do, though I must say—you shouldn't be thinking too far ahead now. He's only just turned one after all."

"You're right. I kind of wish he could stay this small a little longer."

"I think I can see why."

The conversation pulls at Ja'far's heartstrings. She doesn't like how much their relationship as deteriorated but given the amount of time they've been separated, she feels as though she should have seen this coming the moment she said 'I do'.

"Ja'far, are you happy?" Sinbad asks her.

Hearing this, the question comes off as more than just sudden and Ja'far feels virtually shocked by Sinbad's words as the meaning sinks into her very bones. The throbbing in her chest worsens and she isn't prepared for the dam of unspoken feelings that begins to crack and overflow within her.

"I—"

"It's a simple question."

"Sin—"

"Are you happy now that you have a child? A real family?"

"Sin please don't—"

"Just answer the question." He says almost desperately, begging her, his face hard.

"I'm h—happy…" Her voice stutters. With her eyes staring down at the ground again, she struggles to control herself—cursing at the onslaught of emotions that start to rattle her near violently now that Sinbad of all people confront her on the subject of her life and happiness.

"Are you happier here than you were in the past?" With me goes unspoken but Ja'far knows it's there.

The anger surfaces above the pain now that the words have left his mouth. There's more to say, she knows it—feels it and it doesn't take a genius to figure out what else the high king has on his mind.

"How could you ask me such a thing?!" She finally yells. "What do you want from me Sin?"

Kanba trembles in his mother's arms, unused to the ex-assassin's rage. It goes unnoticed to the silverette, and seeing this Sinbad pities the child as well as Ja'far.

"There's more you want to say isn't there?" She snaps. "Well say it now! Say it so I can confirm all the unspoken words that no one else has had the courage to tell me tonight!"

Sinbad swallows thickly, regretting how far his actions have pushed the woman in front of him. He didn't want to hurt her but he also didn't want her to forget what they have—had, he corrects himself. Whatever drive he has slips away and from here, it all goes on autopilot. May as well get it over with, he sighs bitterly.

"Would you have been happier if the child had been mine instead of his? Would things have been different if I'd just done exactly what I wanted and made you my queen?"

"Sin…" Her breath hitches and she shakes her head slowly in near disbelief.

"Just put my mind at ease Ja'far, I've been tormented by the unanswered questions for months."

She doesn't understand how he could say such things with a straight face. It breaks her, disgusts her but most of all tears her heart to shreds because between Sinbad, Sindria, Kouen or Kanba—she knows exactly where her loyalties truly lie now that her child begins to cry from the tension hanging in the air.

"Sin, we can't go back to that time—that dream is lost now. Maybe I would have been happy but I'd just be lying to myself because I can't see it anymore. Kanba, my child is my happiness." She says tearfully. "Everyone tonight it seems—have something to say about him but won't. However, it's obvious to me, seeing the way they look at my son—even you, of all people Sin…"

He bites his lip this time, the shame sprouting on his very features now. What more could he say that wouldn't damage her even further?

"Kanba may be Kouen's son but he's my child too, Sin…" Ja'far cries, her son whimpering into her shoulder. "He's a good boy, so please don't judge him just because his father isn't you."

It hurts, but he understands the gravity of her love for the boy in her arms. He should have accepted sooner, that he couldn't have all of her heart. Not after all of this. A mother's love truly is beautiful he thinks, chuckling to himself.

"What now then? Should I assume this is it?" Sinbad asks painfully despite trying to smile for her. "That, this is undoubtedly the end of whatever love we had?"

"Sin-"

"It's alright, I understand perfectly, Ja'far. There is no need for you to explain yourself. I hope that you and your son live long and well."

Ja'far's eyes widen and when he turns his back to her, she knows the discussion is over. But no, she doesn't want it to end—not like this. "Don't do it, don't resent my son just because of who his father is." She says, her voice begging him to look past Kouen, to look back at her. "Sin, please don't go…" She whispers but he's too far away to hear her now.

The further away he goes from her, the more Ja'far realizes how unreachable he is. One day, he will marry too, and have children of his own—not with her and she will experience his pain as well. It is inevitable, she thinks and she crumbles to her knees while embracing her son tightly.

Leaving Ja'far behind for the second time in his life, feels worse than being stabbed in the chest repeatedly but Sinbad continues on, intent on returning to the festivities taking place inside the palace. Ahead of him, he sees two figures—not surprised by the sight of the emperor himself and his brother, Koumei.

When they are standing face to face, Kouen gives him a blank stare, though the emperor's eyes wander past him to gaze at the fallen form of his wife. Koumei is much different though and gives the high king an irritated look but Sinbad ignores him easily.

"You've broken her." Kouen remarks. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

"We've broken each other." Sinbad corrects him. "And it's all because you couldn't leave well enough alone."

"Putting the blame on me I see?" Kouen arches a brow and although Koumei's anger seeps at the older man's accusation, the emperor feels differently. "No, I don't believe my intervention would have changed a thing for the both of you. In any case, you would have probably married someone else to ensure a legitimate heir and done the same thing, at the cost of Ja'far being alone for the rest of her life because she would have chosen to serve at your side until the end of her days."

Sinbad bites his tongue at that, his fists clenched tightly. The urge to yell is there but he refrains himself from doing so. It isn't worth it, he tells himself. He can't justify it when he knows in the back of his mind that it is half true, more or less. "Just make sure she is happy from now on. She deserves it at the very least. She deserves Kanba and she deserves to experience being a mother." And with that said, he leaves swiftly, Kouen watching his retreating form until it is out of sight.

"Brother?" Koumei eyes the older man, waiting for him to make his next move.

With his gaze settled back on Ja'far and Kanba a short distance away, Kouen begins to walk towards them and Koumei follows. Soon the pair find themselves standing before the young woman whose form is as still as a rock. It's difficult to stomach, seeing her in such a state and younger Kou general feels awful for her.

"Koumei, take Kanba back inside." Kouen says softly, his eyes still locked on the silverette.

The younger Ren nods his head wordlessly and walking up to Ja'far, he kneels down in front of her, prying Kanba gently from her hold before retreating back to the party and leaving the couple behind.

With Koumei gone, Ja'far doesn't realize how quickly her tears fall as she stares down at the emptiness of her lap in silence. With Kouen standing in front of her, it makes matters all the more stressful and even worse when he doesn't say a word.

"You saw it all, didn't you?" She asks, her voice strangely controlled as tears continue to slip from the corners of her eyes.

Kouen doesn't give her a reply but the look in his face is enough to tell her that he had indeed been close and most likely listened to the conversation between her and Sinbad.

Suddenly, Ja'fars feels embarrassment weigh her down and the cries she's been holding back begin slip out of her control with a soft sniffle before her entire frame begins to shake.

Seeing her break in front of him, he gets down on his knees, closing the gap between them and embraces her tightly. Feeling strong arms wrapped her, Ja'far's cries grow slightly louder and she moves her face to muffle the sound into his chest while clutching tightly to the material of his robes. As her body shakes, her mind stirs. She doesn't want to admit that Kouen's comfort is all the more reason for her to fall deeper, but it is and her touch grows desperate as she struggles to find purchase in her heart.


End file.
